Gambling Jokes and Puns

A lot of people see gambling and casinos as serious business. And they can be! But that doesn’t mean that you can’t also have a good giggle. We have gathered together some of the best jokes and puns about gambling to put you in a better mood. We would like to point out that this page is just a bit of a laugh; we know that some people struggle with problem gambling and we would never make light of that. We always want to bring awareness to our readers and applaud responsible gambling. This is just a bit of fun to put a smile on your face!
Players at a gambling table.
Published on: 31 August 2019

Puns in Poker

Poker games can be quite intense. In the movies, poker players are always sat silently, looking very serious. After all, it is called a poker face! We think it can be nice to lighten the mood every now and again though, so we have put together our favorite poker puns for you to deal out during a game of online poker.

  • Santa Claus is an easy opponent – he always checks it twice!
  • Don’t you think that Jake Cody would be a fantastic maid? All he does is fold!
  • The lion was furious after he lost at poker. He said that was the last time he would play with a cheetah.
  • Jeff was a little shy at the poker table. He didn’t want to show his hand just yet.
  • What do you call a professional poker player when his girlfriend dumps him? Homeless.

From the Casino

We have a couple of crackers for you now. Pull up a chair, it’s story time!

Is It Serious?

A doctor running.

Dr. Miller was at home with a cup of coffee, when he heard his phone ring. When he answered, one of his colleagues invited him over for a game of poker. “I’ll be there as soon as I can”, answered Dr. Miller. He put his phone away and went straight to put on his shoes and jacket. Mrs. Miller came down the stairs and, seeing her husband in such a rush, asked, “Oh no, is it serious?”. “Oh yes,”, the doctor replied, “There are already three doctors there waiting for me!”.

Hot or Cold?

Harry comes running home from the casino and rushes into his house. He starts yelling for his wife, screaming, “Molly, pack your things! I just won a million dollars on the slot machine!” Molly looks thrilled and asks, “Where are we going? Should I pack for the hot or the cold? A bathing suit or a coat?” Harry looks at her and says, “I don’t care, pack whatever you want. As long as you’re out of the house by midday!”

Question and Answer

Question and answer style jokes are always classics. They also give you a chance to break the ice with your neighbor at the table, so why not try one out the next time you’re playing with someone new? We’ve put together some of the silliest gambling-related ones we know.

  • What did the rabbit say to the tiger at the blackjack table? – I’m glad you’re not a cheetah!
  • What is the difference between a politician and a gambler? – Gamblers sometimes tell the truth.
  • What did the dealer say to the pack of cards? – I cannot deal with you anymore!
  • What’s the difference between praying in a casino and praying at church? – At the casino, you pray with all your heart!
  • Why is gambling banned in Africa? – Too many cheetahs!
  • What’s the difference between a live casino and an online casino? – When you start crying at an online casino, no one will laugh at you!
  • Why did the British blonde bring French fries to the casino? – She was told to bring her own chips!

One Liners

Yes, they’re cheesy, but who doesn’t love a one liner? Plus, they don’t require any input from someone else, so if you’re sat at a quiet table you can just keep dishing these out!

  • I saw something amazing, it was my dog playing poker. I yelled “Eu-cre!” at it.
  • Did you hear about the sarcastic gambler? He was a real eye-roller.
  • I am sure that China’s currency will depreciate soon. Yuan bet?
  • Women who buy lots of anklets have a gam-bling addiction.
  • Do you think that a glassblower with a gambling addiction suffers from win-dough pain?

Card jokes

A deck of cards fanned out.

Since you’re in a casino, it is the perfect time for card-themed jokes. They should be easy enough to bring up in conversation after all! They will probably make you groan and roll your eyes, but that is all part of the fun, isn’t it?

  • Sign you might be addicted to poker: calling you children Check and Raise.
  • Your best chance of a royal flush is in the casino’s bathroom!
  • Marriage is like a deck of cards. You start out with two hearts and a diamond, but by the end all you want is a club and a spade.
  • How does the Inuit make a house of cards? Igloos it
  • Why can’t pirates play cards? Because they are standing on the deck!
  • What has a heart but no organs? A deck of cards.

From the Papers

A newspaper with the headline "Jokes".

It’s not just us making terrible jokes about gambling. The media is at it too! We found some fantastic jokes and puns in newspapers, magazines, and on social media, especially in the headlines. We have gathered a few here that we couldn’t resist sharing with you:

  • It was a gamble, but one that paid off (Boston Business Journal)
  • For casino backers here in Everett, luck was a lady – and the will of the people was on their side. (WGBH)
  • Voters dealt casinos the winning hand (MetroWest Daily News)

So, that’s it from us! We hope that we raised a chuckle from you, or at least an eye roll or two. Best of all, you now have a few jokers up your sleeve to break the tension at any poker table or casino. You might even find yourself making new friends! If noone laughs at your jokes, don’t worry, just turn to slots or automated poker to avoid having to try and entertain people while playing.

Latest Guides

View All Guides